Today, I want to talk about something that affects us all: fear.
What are your fears? Are you afraid of the dark? Afraid of dogs? Afraid of failure?
My fear is economic. That I am money-driven by any means. I'm not. That's why I'm a writer and a vet tech. Money has never been important to me. I do what I love, not what pays the best.
For me, there is familiarity there. I have known veterinary medicine for ages. I have been writing since childhood. There is great passion there. But I am also holding myself back.
I am holding myself from being a full-time writer. I have wonderful excuses as to why I don't quit my job (which I am more than happy to complain about at any given moment). I have a family to support: a wife and pets to feed and care for; vehicles to maintain, bills to pay. You name it. I have to be responsible. It sounds good. It IS good.
Why on Earth am I talking about all this? For a few reasons.
First and foremost, it is a constant topic in The Artist's Way, a program that I am working with several wonderful and amazingly creative women.
I was just introduced to The Failure Club as well. I LOVE the idea and highly recommend it. Check it out here: http://screen.yahoo.com/episode-1-welcome-to-failure-club-27284740.html
On a personal level, a family member is going through a very scary time right now. A major medical issue has come up unexpectedly. Though the doctors are hopeful, it's not a guarantee. I love my family and would do anything for them. Some people at my job have been wonderfully understanding. Others not so much.
I have been through enough in my life time to know that when I am on my death bed, I will not regret having not worked more. What I would regret would be time lost with loved ones. I refuse to live with that kind of regret. So when this news hit and I got a reaction that was less than stellar, I knew the time to move on was coming.
The only reason I have not quit is the fact that I have nothing lined up. I have several writing "gigs," but none bring a weekly or bi-weekly check. A differet day job simply does not exist for me currently, and it is not for a lack of trying.
What I see, though, is that this fear is holding me back creatively, emotionally, physiclly and even spiritually. I m not fulfilled. I am not satisfied emotionally. I am worn out. I view my job as a hinderance rather than a joy.
Change is coming. And change is good. What I have to do is have faith. Have faith that even though I don't see that safety net, I must believe - I must KNOW - that it is there. Have faith that a higher power, the universe, God will catch me and is in control. Have faith that what is meant to be will be and it will all happen in perfect time. I have to have faith and not fear.
That is far easier said than done, but I am trying. I try daily to not allow my fear to destroy me or to slow down my progression; to never stop working towards my goals. I try because I know that what I want and what I am capable of are far greater than my current situiation.
My message to you would be to try to conquer your fears as well. Go after that dream. Do what you want to do. Live the kind of life you want to live. Don't let fears hold you back. Don't live with regrets because of fear. We only get one shot at this thing called life, don't sell yourself short.
With all that being said, I bid you adieu and will go write some more so that the big scary monster known as fear can be seen in its true, rather small proportions. ;)
Happy reading!
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